soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
