Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
