he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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