so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
