Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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