:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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