dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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