so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
