I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
