i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
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