turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
