My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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