i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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