You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
