either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
it's not cheating when I paid for it
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
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