Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
