I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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