my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
