So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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