The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
