i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
