you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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