the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
