Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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