I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
