I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
