ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
