i need an iv and a liver transplant
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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