Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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