spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
