We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
