Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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