Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Alive.
So much puke
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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