I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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