and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
