just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
