I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
