Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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