I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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