Quick, to the slutcave!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
