ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
