Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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