I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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