Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
