someone threw a dead crab at me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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