If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
