And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
