Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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