I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
