I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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