Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
