Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
