Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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