dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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