So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
