i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
