I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
